Never having to be alone

I wish i could convey the things I have been told by those that gather in the darkness I had once found myself in. To watch the sunset from a mountain cliff and wander alone through the darkness of the forest without being bothered by fear. Never being lost, always knowing the way I need to go. And yet when I'm on the course of my life I fear that what I'm doing isn't what I should be laying my hands to. How can it be that I doubt my karma, and yet at every moment I am assured that this is the course.
I open my eyes to the same dream over and over again, a man with weathered hands holds a lantern and lights my way down a dark path through a forest no moon or star could penetrate. He smiles as i rise and follow him but he remains silent. When I think I see a shorter route through the darkness and run into the darkness seeking an easy way to my sunrise, he waits patiently for my return and greets me with the same silent smile as before when I return tattered and weary. In the darkness is a figure more without form than my guide, but follows the same route. This figure speaks when I ask questions no one else can answer or when I am lied to. This figure and my guide seem to find to objection to the other, neither one more interested in my success than the other. Neither one speaks a lie or leads me astray, but lets me decide whats right. I can't say that either the one that holds the light or the one who is more a shadow than a man wants anything but my future to be happy.
But I still reluctant to dream, hide from sleep as often as I can. I fear what it is I may learn in the place I travel that others cannot. Here I gather my questions, here I gather my courage, here I find the truth, no matter how bad I wished it to be as I wanted it to be.

Before The Journey Begins

My heart breaks over rocks no one can see and I have lost this place within me, I fight for breathe but take in only cold despair. It's silent when I need it the most and I fear it has left the host. In a quiet room I light a candle hoping to draw it in I ask a question. More I wonder if I have lost myself and chosen the wrong path, lead away from lights my vision of my future dims. Once a silent man lit my way now I am alone again.

Dreaming in color

I would wake as a child and hear my name being called from a distance through the darkness of night. I would peer out the window and look for the source of the voice but it was always somewhere over the far horizon. Later in my teens I would stay up at night and look out my window with the lights off in my room, the world swallowed in darkness with only a few brave lights piercing the night, perhaps they didn't hear the retreat call given by the Sun.
I often wondered if the voice calling out to me was the same one that would whisper that everything was going to be alright. I would quietly leave my house, but not to sneak off to a party, but to be alone in the darkness. I wandered through orchards and through dark mountain forests, I once picked flowers by the light of a full moon in a mountain meadow at midnight. I never brought a single source of light with me on these outings, it seemed I was always more at home in darkness than in light. And try as I might even in light there is always my shadow.
I have memories of a place in which I once existed, and at times I think maybe it is the echo of this place in my empty soul that calls out to me. I dream of returning to this place before this one, a place that I felt whole in, a place where I had a name. I open my eyes and sigh for I awaken to a world I am unfamiliar with, one where I am an exile from the place where I truly belong.